[ Personal Critique Thread ]

Am I doing it wrong? Did I suspend reality (and characterization) a little too much, even for Poly?

I'm not the perfect roleplayer, and I've never claimed to be, but I would like to do the best that I can so that everyone can have the best experience possible.

In light of that, a critique thread! Feel free to use it. Comments are screened, so really, say what you want, however you want, and so forth.

Wuv. ♥

What does anyone here know about the clock? I'm sure people must have attempted to find it, or stop the ticking...

Color me curious.

( [ private; hackable with effort; ] )

I am almost certain that I was vaccinated for this, back home. Of course, there's always the possibility of shingles...

In any event, I think it ought to be unnecessary to say that any of those who are infected ought to remain in some type of quarantine for the duration of their illness. Additionally, I would indeed advise against the City's vaccinations, and I find it simply strange that others have succumbed to it. True enough that the little I know of science dictates that the majority of us should already have perished, and yet we have not; in this, I believe that there is a reason why the deities are possibly intervening in our favor.

So why the added protection?

Added space for ulterior motives, I'd imagine.

I have stocked up on calamine lotion, on soup and crackers. If anyone is able to take Killua for the next few days--since I'd rather not have him catch this, but I think I will need to make occasional use of the kitchen--I'd be eternally grateful.

( [ private; hackable with effort; ] )

Do you think it might still be possible to use the stadium for dancing, even after the fact has passed? Of its three uses, I think I preferred watching that one the most, although admittedly I'm not particularly adept at dance. And I'm a little biased, given that driving... well. I'm not very good at it.

The City feels strange, however. Different.

As though the deities have developed a love of spectator sports, this month.

One by one.

Is it strength or is it weakness when you turn away? Depends on context, I guess, like most things in life. Strength if you turn away from temptation and weakness if you turn away from your troubles.

But I'm honestly not sure if this counts as either of them.

I just feel as though I'm turning away. Not from the people still in the City, and not shying away from the possibility of one day returning home. I can't even describe it, but I'm pulling further from something, and there's the sensation of turning.

Mass was beautiful this morning. Despite the air being so crisp and chill, it was nice that we still had the sun's rays peeking out from the clouds.

After spending much of today reading The Scarlet Letter, I have to begin to wonder if this past curse took away much of the meaning and significance that the novel itself held. An attempt at an elegant curse, that's to be sure--as much as the deities ever care about things like elegance and propriety--but by expanding to include every letter of the alphabet, we no longer know what it is that we're shouldering, we don't know exactly how to rest the weight on our shoulders. Hester's journey only held significance in that she knew her sins, knew what she wanted to apologize for and what to defy against.

And what about us? Have any of us grown, changed for the better?

As with most curses, it only served to be a distraction.

Even if I'd had a letter, I'm sure that'd still hold true.

If anyone is dwelling? Please don't. The letters certainly don't define you as you are, any more than the scarlet letter defined Hester.

[ voice post; ]

To anyone I've made plans with for the next couple of days, work aside, I apologize, but I need to cancel.

I thought he'd--

...Father Abel's picture is in the Hall of the Missing.

And this is a joyous occasion, because this City wasn't meant for him, and he should miss none of it-- being trapped here, away from so many he cared for, away from Her Eminence, who he had pledged himself to protect. Having his agency and choice stripped on a very whim. Yes, I am glad that he was able to leave, and hopefully he has people at his side back home.

[ the rest is half-whispered ]

I guess I should go give my thanks.

[ voice post; ]

No, you do not interrupt me in the middle of operations--

...

This. Must be the work of bloody vampires.

WHERE HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME? SHOW YOURSELVES! I will ensure that whoever had the gall to do this gets an arrow through the heart.


[ooc; What if Esther had never been moved by Gyula's death? Had remained in Istavan as Star, continued to have her own crusades against the Methuselah, bitter about those who killed everyone she considered to be family? No memories whatsoever of the City, but her appearance hasn't changed, aside from her attire and probably various scars on her face. ._.]

( [ written letters; hackable by Abel/Tres if they snoop; ] )


Are there other people in the City who have dogs? Tres has been getting a bout of cabin fever as of late, and I'd really like for him to get out and about more than he has. He's a gentle puppy, although he's growing fast.

There are a couple of others I know who could use some fresh air as well, but I'll work on getting that to happen.

Belatedly, I haven't had the chance to say it yet, but... welcome back, Miss Lady.

[ voice post; ]

FATHER-- wait, no, I can't ask-- he'd--

[ a brief pause ]

FATHER TRES. Father Tres? I, ah-- I'm in the bathroom, and if you could toss me a slip or a dress or something, that'd be much obliged.

I could swear that I was just wearing my habit a moment ago--

AND FATHER ABEL YOU'D BETTER NOT PEEK.


[ooc; Naked!nun here for your brainbreak.]

...Fifty posts to the Network, in a little over four and a half months. I wonder if I should be celebrating?

• Because I am alive
  
• For all the friends I've made within the City
  
• For all the experiences
  
• The wisdom
  
• For being able to find a purpose, here
  
• The inner strength I've gained
  
• The truths I've learned

It's not so hard to count one's blessings, is it?

Even people that I've loved and lost--

• Bishop Laura Vitez
  
• Count Gyula
  
• All the sisters at St. Mathias
  
• ...'Star'
  
• Mister Gaara (presumably, he went home...)
  
• Dietri--

All of them are also blessings, in their own right.

And of course, those who are still with me--

• The Lord
  
• Father Abel
  
• Nero
  
• Father Tres
  
• and Tres, the puppy
  
• Father Leon
  
• Miss Lady
  
• The Duchess of Kiev
  
• Mister Shiki
  
• Mister Malfoy (I hope the crumpets were acceptable)
  
• The Earl of Memphis
  
• The Duchess of Moldova
  
• Miss Lilith
  
• Mister Colonnello
  
• Cardinal Caterina

--rather, if I keep on listing, I don't think I'd ever be able to stop.

Suffice to say... this curse is a kind one, all things considered.

( [ private; hackable; ] )

( [ private; readily hackable; ] )


[ filtered separately to police force and AX; unhackable; ]

I'm afraid that I may be coming down with the flu, and thus will have to take a couple of days off. Should anything urgent arise, I will do my best to help, but for now, I feel that rest is prudent.

I apologize for the inconvenience.

[ accidental voice post; ]

Can't hurt just to listen, right? I'm allowed to come into the apartment whenever I please... and he mentioned the music before, so that's-- that's practically an invitation.

[ floorboards creeeeeaking ]

Just a brief listen-- whoa, these headphones are rather heavy!

[ more creeeaking, of the mattress, to be specific ]

...

CLASSICAL?

...wow, Nero. That's. Impressive. Who would've thought, a Mozart fa--

...

OhnoIleftthison--

[ click ]


[ooc; Nero suggested that the kind of music he listened to would scar Esther. Out of curiosity, Esther decided to listen and see. And, well.]

[ voice post; ]

Oh-- oh, dear, there's--

Perhaps showing it would be more efficient...

[ fumbling noises ]


[ video post; ]

( [ this cut is not IC ] )

Isn't it darling? But I'm not really sure... where it came from, nor what I should be doing...

[ accidental video post; ]

Bishop...?

...I-- I wasn't trying to run too far! I knew where I was going, honest!

But I think I'm lost now.


[ooc; I don't have the icons for it, but have a mini!Esther, about six years old, wandering around the City. Very confused. Probably close to tears, but more prone to be aggro about it. Replies assumed voice, feel free to action.

I also have to go in about an hour or so, but will be back tonight to pick up tags. *so sorry* ;_; ♥]

[ voice post; ]

Let it be known that my actions on Wednesday were a result of a curse. A curse which, as far as I know, managed to invoke a ridiculous level of paranoia which had no basis and resulted in me spouting complete and utter nonsense.

Anything that I said or told the general populace, I'm requesting that it be overlooked. Many were blatant lies, and--

--I realize that my mind was altered for the day, but this is truly unforgivable of me.

And above all.

[ A deep breath. ]

FATHER ABEL NIGHTROAD, I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU. UNDERSTAND?

And we are having Belgian waffles tonight.


[ private; hackable with difficulty; ]

It really is unforgivable of me. Everything that Seth said...

I'm not afraid of Father Abel. I'm not.

...and I know he'll tell me that it wasn't my fault, but that's not what I want to hear. I'd rather he be harsh with me. He said he was going to be cranky, but I don't know...

I hate this City. It keeps tempering and tempering and the inner steel I need so desperately to keep always disappears at inopportune times.

I've hurt him so much.


[ooc; Not off emergency hiatus yet. Net has fortunately been left on tonight, but... yeah. ;_; *sneaks Poly time when I can!*]

[ accidental voice post; ]

I-I don't know why I--

I s-shouldn't be staying in an apartment like this.

With-- with that mon--

[ an abrupt stop, followed by slight wheezing ]

He'll hurt me. It's only a matter of time, he--

...no matter what, Esther, he's not the Father Abel you met back then.

That Father was a lie.

I need to leave-- my guns, I--

[ the next words are whispered ]

-oh no oh no this is on, he'll--

[ ...click ]



[ooc; Because I'm awful? All of Esther's fears and doubts about Father Abel, multiplied a thousandfold.]

[ private; hackable with difficulty; ]

A week. This... computer has been sitting on my desk for a week. I know not what to do with it, nor the key which Dietrich left to me. Part of me is curious, part of me wants to read everything, but the computer that Dietrich offers to me as proof of his sincerity is hardly that, is it? Should he be unable to convince me through his words and his actions, what good does it serve me to read the words of some other... version of myself, which for all I know might be a clever set-up? Words, without context--for these records will not be complete--are hardly reliable.

Words, even when spoken, aren't necessarily sincere.

But, he is gone. And, hopefully, shall not return.

Even more pressing right now is the state of inactivity that I have found myself in. The books give us no answer, and laying low does nothing in abating the seeming need of the deities to stir problems, or the citizens to create issues of their own. Father is here, Cain is here, Seth is here, and now the Cardinal--people to watch out for, to keep an eye on, all for different reasons. As things currently stand, however, I have no power, no vantage point. The curses are difficult at best, but at some point, I need to put my foot down. Rely less on others. I have two good feet of my own, don't I?

Those disappearances a while back, the serial killer--I've never felt so helpless, and it isn't right, it doesn't suit me.

It doesn't suit me.


[ filtered to Abel; unhackable; ]

Perhaps this isn't the best time, Father, but... before Dietrich left, he gave me the laptop which I carried around on one of my prior visits to the City, as well as a key to our his old apartment. I have neither touched nor examined either to great lengths as of yet, but perhaps they may prove useful in learning more of the Rosenkreuz Orden.


[ filtered to Caterina; unhackable; ]

If there is anything you need that is within my power, Your Eminence, please do not hesitate to ask.


[ filtered to Astaroth; unhackable; ]

Tonight's practice... may I please postpone it, Duchess? Someone important to me has arrived in the City.


[ flagged to the police force; viewable by all; ]

How would one go about joining the police force in the City? Is there an application process? Volunteer work? Hours, duties-- I'm flexible, and more than willing to work difficult jobs.

[ voice post; ]

Permit me to ask the City, but is a-anyone suffering aftereffects from the curse yesterday? I believe I was more fortunate than most who were affected, but I'm still a little dizzy, and I might be-- might be seeing things. Hearing things.

Miss Lilith, would you be able to spare any iron tablets? I believe those help, post-blood loss. And bedrest, I suppose.

Perhaps I need more oranges.

[ filtered to Nero; unhackable; ]

You once told me not to worry about being a burden, and so... I may need advice, Nero. Do you have a minute?

[ private; hackable with difficulty; ]

Dietrich.

He's in the City.

I don't know what to do.


[ooc; Saw Dietrich hanging around Isaak's entry, and is... confused. Not sure whether to be glad, upset, avoidant, or curious. Or all of them.]

[ voice post; ]

F-Father, I swear I didn't-- I haven't been out, but I'm b-bleeding and it won't stop. I don't know what's going on.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. I've felt worse but-- it's cold.


[ooc; Esther has no omgendall injuries, but lots of cuts and bruises resulting in a fairly steady amount of blood seeping into her bed. The bruises that Nero inflicted on her during Mirror!City are also back, resulting in a very strained voice, flashbacks of Devil Trigger, etc.]