[ Personal Critique Thread ]

Am I doing it wrong? Did I suspend reality (and characterization) a little too much, even for Poly?

I'm not the perfect roleplayer, and I've never claimed to be, but I would like to do the best that I can so that everyone can have the best experience possible.

In light of that, a critique thread! Feel free to use it. Comments are screened, so really, say what you want, however you want, and so forth.

Wuv. ♥

[ accidental voice post; ]

[ shuffling of fabric and a loud sigh, then a slight groan as more shifting occurs ]

...thirty-five...?

Or was it--

--I lost count of the tiles.

How many more days will I be kept here, Lord? They say it's a curse, but curses are meant to end, aren't they?

We've been too complacent again. Worthless, mm?

[ another pause, then more labored breathing ]


[ooc; After being choked and almost impaled by Nero, threatened with rape by Shiki, and reading this, Esther's very content in her room. Unfortunately, three days of lust builds up. Audio-transmitter turned on while moving in bed.]

[ voice post; ]

--thing won't turn on an'-- oh!

Um... I just wanted to say... What was it? Errr...

[ Have ten seconds' worth of a pause. ]

Ah! Don't worry 'bout me! And don't listen to Nero; I'm fine, really. Bit tired. But I should be on my feet in no time! Ahaha.

[ Rustling of bedsheets. ]

See? I can st--whoa--and.

Um.

Has anyone seen Dietrich, by any chance? I'm surprised he isn't here right now.


[ooc; Um. Concussed nun, get. Her memory's a little on and off so unless she spends practically 24/7 with you, she might not remember you all that well. (Blacking out from a concussion = BAD. SRS BSNS.)]

How will I die? Your Result: You will be murdered.   This doesn't guarantee pain and suffering, but it will be at the hands of another. Perhaps the vile deeds of a past life will attribute to this horrific demise. Do not fear murder. There is a rare epiphany that comes from this type of death. You will see it in the last moments.
You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die while saving someone's life.
You will die while having sex.
You will die from a terminal illness.
You will die in your sleep.
You will die of boredom.
How will I die? Create a Quiz

This... ah.

...are these accurate?

[ accidental voice post; ]

More often than not, I wonder if I should even be a nun. Given the things I've done, given the things I'll continue to do, given the things that I want to do.

I don't really know why being a nun requires all of these restrictions. I actually enjoy wearing things other than my habit.

I might've been in love before. I might still be-- how will I reconcile that?

...ah.

[ voice post; ]

God helps those who help themselves.

Is there a place in the City that sells chemicals? Because my aim hasn't improved enough yet, and it won't improve enough over the course of a day.

Fighting the demons within isn't exactly the same as the situation in front of me, after all.

...need to review my Latin.


[ooc; Breathless Esther is breathless and toting around a sawed-off shotgun, looking for any trace of a bloody arm. NEEDS MOAR CHEMICALS. Think Molotov cocktails.]

And God has returned another of our number; finally, something in the City's gone right.

Welcome back, Miss Lilith. We've all missed you. Father especially.

[ filtered from Abel and Lilith; unhackable; ]

I can't ruin this moment, can't ruin the happiness which will undoubtedly result from having someone so dear to him returned at last. No, I wouldn't-- this is what we've all wanted, for her to return, to finally be able to loosen the hold we've had to keep on him. Things are okay now. Things are well.

I just want him to be happy, for once.

But something hurts, and I'm not sure why, and it shouldn't. It's not even that I don't want Miss Lilith back-- she's dear to me, and I bear no ill will against her. I just don't think I can meet Father's eyes, today. It's not his fault. There have just been too many things said over the course of this week, and they're all still fresh in my mind. Maybe it isn't so easy to forgive, let alone forget, even when there's nothing to forgive.

She's not quite back with us yet, though, and so I need to be stronger. Just for a little while longer.

Nero, if... when Miss Lilith has completely returned to health, if I could take up that offer of yours? I'm sorry. I think I need to let myself be a little selfish, before this builds.

And so, a dear friend has indeed made it into the Hall of the Missing. But the Duchess of Kiev had told me, soon before her departure, that she had been... tired. Couldn't be happy in this place.

Even if the danger may be just as great in her world--our world--I think it is best that she has made her way back. I pray that her return was without problems, and for her safety thereafter.

Yet another of our number has returned, although not from a return home. Miss Lady, if there is anything I can do... but I don't want to overstep my bounds.

I've been told off about that, lately.

Beyond everything else which has been occurring in the City, it seems that so many have lost track of what they were looking towards, what they were fighting for, in a world where everything and everyone is stagnant. Time feels like it ceases to really pass here, and it's so easy to lose one's way. I may have, myself. Keep a greater goal in mind, one which is concrete-- whether it is to protect someone, whether it is to spread a message, or whether it's something as simple as a small action, repeated.

This City is not the end-all, not with all of its false deities, mimicries of God. No matter how many times someone may look into your mind, there is no one here who is omniescent. No one to replace Him.

And until we can leave, I pray. And I fight, not necessarily with my hands or any weapon, but in mind.

[ filtered from Samara; unhackable; ]

What do people know of this person? Are her promises to attack usually followed up upon?

I have strength in my capabilities, but it is more difficult to protect oneself against surprises.

...I think I'm dripping.

This hardwood floor? Really doesn't like me.

B-but I'm home. Aaand heading to my room right after I clean this up.

[ voice post; ]

...moving out! Bye! I left money for the salt, or well, as much as I had!

And since suicide is a sin, um. Anyone want to play target practice? I promise I'll stay rather still!

[ filtered from anyone involved in Nero debacle; unhackable ]

Shelter. Where can a girl with a man after her head go about finding it?


[ooc; This happened, so Esther runs away now!]

[ voice post; ]

I slept!

I slept.

I sleeeeeeeept~!

Aaaaaaand I made cakes! Buttheyweren'tasgoodasMissKyrie'sso I ate them~! Nope, they weren'tverygood.

I miiiiiiiight have had too much andand--

I slept~!

Bed was warm.

[ sounds of springs creaking and light giggling ]

Haven't jumped on a bed in years~!

Wannagoplay.


[ooc; After many hours of not being able to sleep, Tres and Esther's personal giant teddy bear were able to put her to sleep. When she got up, so displeased was she at the fact that Father only bothered to whine about Miss Lady's cakes that she tried to make cakes of her own, and ended up eating them all, and thus!

Sugar highs. They are dangerous things. I might be on one myself.]

Distance is a funny thing, isn't it?

I'm letting my thoughts wander too much, tonight.

Tell me, citizens of the City-- when you are unable to sleep, what do you do? When your nerves are stretched thin, how do you calm them? When you have nightmares, what makes them go away?

Maybe I spent too much time at the Range today-- my hands are still fumbling.

Too many questions, too few answers. But that's how it always is, isn't it?


[ private; hackable ]

Somehow, while talking to Miss Lady, the topic of Dietrich came up. I'm not even sure how I feel about the situation anymore. In one sense, it feels so far removed. In another, I can still remember the details so clearly.

It's not just my thoughts wandering-- I think I'm getting lost, in them. Too many things happening at once.

I can't sleep.

[ filtered from Abel and Kaguro; hackable with some difficulty; ]

It seems I've bitten off a little more than I could chew. Dare I call myself fortunate, for once?

If there are healers in the City... a favor would be greatly appreciated. It isn't much, just some minor bleeding from my hands, but given the current situation, I would feel far safer knowing that I won't drop a gun from the pain of the recoil.

My aim, needless to say, needs work.


[ooc; Had a bit of a skirmish with Kaguro. He didn't injure her in the slightest, so she just tried to shoot at him for... a long time. And failed to land a single bullet. Thus, hands are blistered and bleeding.]

[ filtered from anyone on the ship; unhackable; ]

It--

I thought it'd only last a day, but if people are still on the ship... and it's sinking, oh Lord. They won't all survive... why must it end like this? No one can spot them, it seems. A cruel joke on the part of the false deities? A convenient way to lessen the City's number?

I can't... I can't fathom what type of person would be able to think of something so cruel to inflict upon the populace. These types of sins are unforgivable.

Lord, please protect them. I trust that they will be safe, one way or another. They've done nothing to deserve this.

But now isn't the time to panic. We must remain strong, for them.

I mustn't think of myself, not in a time like this.

[ /filter ]


Yes, the ship has been hit. However, this is by no means the year 1912, and the people on the ship have superior knowledge, capabilities-- I have full faith that the outcome of this event shall not be as devastating as the one it appears to have been modeled after.

I know that in these times, it may be difficult, but remaining calm and looking through all of one's options is the best way to go. The lifeboats may not be high enough in count, nor the life vests, but do remember in within the boat, there are many things which can be used as floating devices. A door, perhaps. A table, if it's large enough. And the citizenry of this City always has had remarkable capabilities; I imagine many will be able to help others work past this problem.

Above all, remain strong. The Lord is watching over all of you, and he will protect you, guide you.

If any of you are able to hear me, to speak with me-- please, may we all be together in mind, and pray.

I pray for your safety, and I will not stop fighting for it, not until everyone is safe.

Together with me...

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Amen.


[ooc; Icon is a smiling one, to all those on the ship. Aaand in case I was too vague, no, she's not on the ship. orz]

[ private; very easily hackable because of mental state; ]

I told him not to-- he didn't listen, he-- I asked him not to and he did anyway, he doesn't care, and I saw, I watched anyway, and I--

--that's not Father, that's not Father, it's not--

I'M JUST A BURDEN. The captain said it, Mister Gaara probably thinks so, and then Mis-- no, Kaguro... there can be remarkable truth in words, no matter who says them.

Time after time after time, I can't do anything-- he won't let me-- I'm not strong enough.

Lord, I don't understand. I don't. I've tried, and I've tried-- am I being punished? First Dietrich, then losing the Bishop, and Father-- I can't even maintain faith.

I'm not Miss Lilith. Maybe, if she'd been there. I can't fill her shoes.

But-- that's not him.

If it feels to me as though God isn't here, if I feel like He isn't there to listen, do my prayers still mean anything?


[ooc; Yeah, fuck, just when she was feeling okay again, this happened. Esther witnessed it all, blood and gore, and is locked in her room. Not coming out. Not cursed either, unfortunately.]

I'd call it a woman's intuition, but perhaps people of both genders will be able to identify with me on this.

Does anyone else have moments when a chill just runs down their spine?

When you know something is bound to go wrong? Well, more wrong than it usually does in the City, if that's even possible.

A sense of foreboding, perhaps?

...

Father Abel, I wonder what you've gotten yourself into now?


[ooc; Here's to all the logical babies in the City who have to watch out for... not so logical idiots. ._.v]

I am truly blessed for having the best caretaker imaginable at the moment. My health is certainly improving significantly-- perhaps I shall try to tackle a wider range of food tomorrow.

After mass, of course. Miss Kururu, when would you like to meet up to head to the Church?

And Mister Gaara, I never did get to thank you personally for the unique umbrellas that you fashioned for me. I don't think I ended up getting anything wet for the remainder of the day, fortunately.

Finally, I hope that everyone enjoyed themselves at the beach picnic.


[ooc; She's probably not referring to who you might first think. >.>]

...when someone who's spent a greater number of years in a convent begins to forget some of the lyrics to Te Deum?

It's clearly time to think about visiting the Church more often. Perhaps I would find myself a job...

Of course, at the same time, it may have something to do with the fact that I have indeed... fallen ill. I'd refrain from using the computer, but I seem to have lost my voice, for the most part, and in case anyone should need me, I felt it best to leave a note on the Network. I'd say to come to my apartment, but I wouldn't want to spread this illness to anyone, so... I may simply be resting in my bed for the next couple of days in an attempt to recuperate.

But I will make it to early mass on Sunday.

I do hope that everyone's doing well, after the curse. A reminder, I suppose, that we must keep our spirits and hopes high, and do our best to help others do the same. I owe you many thanks, Mr. Gaara.

Miserere nostri domine, miserere nostri.
Fiat misericordia tua,
Domine, super nos, quemadmodum speravimus in te.
In te, Domine, speravi:
non confundar in aeternum.

[ooc; She's actually doing a lot worse than she's letting on, fever and chills up the wazoo. Because, well, when you haven't been eating well to begin with, and then are suddenly hit with a heavy rainstorm, then a blizzard...? (Oh, and all while in a pink, satin slip?) Yeah.]